City of Mpls Hires Snake Plissken to Institute the Minneapolis 2040 Plan

MINNEAPOLIS – In an exciting turn of events that is sure to put Minneapolis back on the map, the city’s administration has hired none other than S. D. “Snake” Plissken, the famed antihero and former United States Army Special Forces lieutenant, to carry out the audacious Minneapolis 2040 Plan​¹​​²​.

This bold move follows a tumultuous period of public unrest and economic turbulence, which saw many residents and businesses leave the city. But rather than dwell on the past, city officials are looking to the future with a sense of unbridled optimism and a clear vision, encapsulated in the Minneapolis 2040 Plan. This visionary plan promises to eliminate disparities, bring more residents and jobs, and ensure affordable and accessible housing for all. And who better to execute this ambitious blueprint than the man who escaped from New York and L.A., cities that had been transformed into maximum security prisons to deal with a massive increase in crime​​.

Known for his daring escapades and impressive military training, Plissken brings a unique set of skills to the city. His previous experience navigating crime-ridden cities, combined with his reputation as a gunfighter-for-hire, makes him a perfect fit for ensuring all Minneapolis residents have access to employment, retail services, healthy food, parks, and other daily needs via walking, biking, and public transit​.

The city’s officials are confident that Plissken’s arrival will not only ensure a high-quality physical environment, but also help the city’s physical attributes reflect its rich history and cultures. In the spirit of embracing all that is creative, cultural, and natural, the city looks forward to becoming an even greater place to live under Plissken’s watch​.

With Plissken at the helm, Minneapolis is expected to become resilient to the effects of climate change and diminishing natural resources, while achieving an 80% reduction in greenhouse gas emissions by 2050. After all, who better to clean up the city than a man who knows a thing or two about navigating through dangerous terrains and cleaning up messes​​.

This is not just about a clean environment, but also about a healthy, sustainable, and diverse economy. The city is counting on Plissken to leverage his unique skills and experiences to ensure Minneapolis remains the economic center of the region​¹​.

To top it all off, with Plissken’s reputation for challenging the establishment, the city’s government is excited about becoming even more proactive, accessible, and fiscally sustainable. The hiring of Plissken also signals a move towards a more equitable civic participation system that enfranchises everyone, thus building people’s long term capacity to organize to improve their lives and neighborhoods​¹​.

While some might be surprised by this unconventional move, the city’s officials are confident that Plissken is just the man to turn things around. After all, as the saying goes, “I heard you were dead.” But just like Plissken, Minneapolis is very much alive and ready to reinvent itself​.